What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
