She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
