One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize