It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
