that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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