i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
