I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
