So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
What a dumb baby whore.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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