this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
