I want to walk on stilts...naked
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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