My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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