I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
