So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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