Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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