You smell like stripper and shame
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize