I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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