he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize