New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
