I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
