this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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