Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
