the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
