Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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