the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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