Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
