whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
