it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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