Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
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