No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
