after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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