im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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