I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
