i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
