No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
