perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Everclear isn't food dammit
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize