Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
