So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
