how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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