Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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