Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
