Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
