I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
