if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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