Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
