Moan for me like Helen Keller
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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