i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
false alarm, still single
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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