ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
