bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
