I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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