Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
