i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
