I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
