Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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