I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
