made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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