I'm drive I can fine osifer
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
