my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Randomize