I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
