yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You may now shotgun with the bride
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
