I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Randomize
