I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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