you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
