i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
