JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
