3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I deserve to be covered in dicks
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
